The Counseling Stigma. Breaking Away and Rising Above.

Change is not only part of our life’s journey; it is the journey. Relationships, the experience of going through a divorce, and certainly our existence post-divorce are no exceptions. Even if the divorce was our choice, it can be and often is a daunting experience. That is putting it mildly. Professional therapy and counseling are options available to help us cope with hard times and emotions—a way to understand our world and ourselves better. Nevertheless, there are historical perceptions and myths that persist even to this day concerning visiting a therapist or even seeking counsel, and cultural habits can die hard.

When meeting and discussing divorce with my clients, I regularly suggest seeking counseling. Such treatment should not be disparaged. Beyond speaking to a lawyer during this process, one should have a therapist to talk with throughout the divorce. To not talk about our emotions, however negative or even harmful, is completely counterintuitive to the purpose of moving on and forward in life. Before, during, or after a divorce, professional counseling is helpful. If we cannot move forward, we will be forever haunted by our own emotions. But if we can rise above the emotional pain, we can also rise above any cultural stigma standing in our way.

The Old School

Our perceptions and values are inherited from those that have come before us. The “old school” thinking can be prevalent in modern times, however old its ways may be. The very stigma against or discouragement of professional counseling has its origins in times past when reputation and perception were everything. The misconception surrounding counseling is that by seeking therapy, there is something wrong with a person. As if you have a mental illness or cannot solve your own problems. Or a failure in some way. While it is perfectly acceptable to visit a doctor to treat a broken bone, a chiropractor to examine a bad back, or a dentist to address a toothache, not so with counseling. This perception, however dubious, is that of failure. Yet old school is “old” for a reason.

Our health and well-being are more important than perceptions or our reputations. If we intend to spend our days worrying about what other people think and trying to please everyone else’s emotions or societal needs, we will most certainly find ourselves very disappointed in that endeavor. Wanted or not, divorce is the failure of a marriage. We must remember that failure is a part of life and often the only way we learn how to move forward. What the old school may not realize is that times change, even if we do not want them to. 

Perspective of Judgment

The fear of judgment is always present in our own perceptions, sometimes preventing us from seeking therapy. However, if one waits too long in the divorce process to pursue professional counseling when it is needed, the delay can have negative ramifications for oneself, and also our loved ones, friends, and co-workers. Denial can also lead to even more problems with potential new relationships following divorce. This folly is not worth experiencing in the name of perception or pride. 

Another perception individuals may worry about when beginning therapy is the length of treatment: will it go on forever? One can never say exactly how long counseling may take, but it will not be an overnight process. One may also be concerned about or even fearful of what can be learned about oneself during the counseling process. These feelings are natural, though seeking to live a better and fulfilling life requires the courage to want to move on and rise above such concerns. 

The Benefits of Rising Above

Former husbands and former wives alike are expected to take care of their own well-being and the well-being of their families. Counseling is available to address all kinds of personal situations, including child custody. There are therapists available who specializes in custody-related issues. Counseling can be for people of all ages in any circumstance involving divorce, including children. Mental health and well-being are, at all times, the end goal. If counseling is what is needed, especially when going through a divorce, there should be no reason to avoid help, and also checking in with a therapist when needed moving forward.

The benefits of therapy far outweigh any perceived or historically rooted doubts we may have that speak the contrary. Seeking help can bring about better self-confidence, work morale, relationship confidence, and overall self-assurance in life. If the divorce experience is or was rough, you are hardly alone. Therapy can provide us with a better shot at a new relationship in life, or at the very least, living anew. The counseling stigma is only that: a stigma. We no longer live as the walking wounded and can become a better and more enlightened person for the experience of it.