Workplace dynamics can be tricky, especially when it comes to relationships with colleagues. For many of us, navigating these relationships can sometimes feel like walking on eggshells – trying to manage our own emotions while understanding the intentions of others. This is especially true in relationships with women, where sensitivity to words and actions can sometimes lead to misunderstandings or hurt feelings.

But here’s the thing: being overly sensitive at work can hold you back. It can make you feel less confident, strain your relationships with colleagues and even impact your overall job satisfaction. Developing a thicker skin doesn’t mean becoming indifferent or unfeeling—it means learning how to handle feedback, criticism and interactions with resilience and grace.

Understanding Why Sensitivity Happens in Work Relationships

First, it’s important to recognize why we might be overly sensitive at work. Often, it stems from caring deeply about our jobs, wanting to be seen as skilled and valuable and wanting to be liked and respected by colleagues. This desire can make us hyper aware of how others perceive us, leading us to take things personally that might not be intended that way.

In relationships with female colleagues, sensitivity can be heightened by the nuances of communication styles and social expectations. Women, in particular, may feel pressure to be liked and to maintain harmonious relationships, which can make them more susceptible to feeling hurt by comments or actions that others might see as trivial.

Developing a Thicker Skin: It’s Not Personal

One of the most important lessons to learn in the workplace is that not everything is about you. It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that a colleague’s comment or a manager’s decision is a reflection on you personally, but in reality, people are often too wrapped up in their own lives to be thinking about you as much as you might think.

How to Apply This to Your Work Relationships

• Remind Yourself It’s Not Personal: When you feel hurt by something at work, take a step back and ask yourself if it’s really about you or if the other person might be dealing with their own issues.
• Consider the Context: Think about the situation from the other person’s perspective. Are they stressed? Rushed? Dealing with their own challenges? Recognizing this can help you not take things to heart.

Assume Good Intent

In many cases, the things that hurt us at work aren’t intended to be hurtful at all. Misunderstandings often arise because we interpret someone’s words or actions through our own lens of sensitivity, rather than considering that they might not have meant any harm.

How to Apply This to Your Work Relationships

• Assume Positive Intent: Start with the assumption that your colleagues mean well, even if their words or actions don’t come across that way. This mindset shift can prevent you from jumping to negative conclusions.
• Clarify When in Doubt: If something bothers you, it’s okay to ask for clarification. A simple, “I’m not sure I understood what you meant earlier—can you explain?” can clear up a lot of misunderstandings.

How to Address Hurt Feelings With Work Colleagues

Even with the best intentions, there will be times when someone’s words or actions hurt you. The key is to address it in a way that’s constructive rather than confrontational. Ignoring hurt feelings can lead to resentment, while overreacting can damage relationships.

How to Apply This to Your Work Relationships

• Approach the Person Directly: If something really bothers you, address it calmly and privately. Use “I” statements to express how you feel without sounding accusatory. For example, “I felt hurt when you said X because it made me feel Y.”
• Be Open to Their Perspective: When you bring up your feelings, be prepared to listen to the other person’s side of the story. They may not have realized how their actions affected you, and understanding their perspective can help you move past it.

Don’t Dwell—Learn to Move On

One of the most important skills in developing a thicker skin is learning to move on. Dwelling on hurt feelings or perceived slights can keep you stuck in a negative mindset, making it harder to focus on your work and maintain positive relationships.

How to Apply This to Your Work Relationships

• Acknowledge and Release: Recognize when something has upset you, but then make a conscious effort to let it go. Holding onto negativity only hurts you in the long run.
• Focus on the Bigger Picture: Remind yourself of your professional goals and the bigger picture of your career. In the grand scheme of things, most workplace slights are minor and not worth dwelling on.

Building Resilience Through Self-Confidence

At the heart of being less sensitive is having confidence in yourself and your abilities. When you’re secure in your own worth, it’s easier to let things roll off your back because you know they don’t define you.

How to Apply This to Your Work Relationships

• Build Your Self-Esteem: Take time to reflect on your strengths and accomplishments. Celebrate your successes and remind yourself of the value you bring to your role.
• Practice Self-Care: Taking care of your physical and mental health can help you feel more balanced and less reactive. Exercise, healthy eating and mindfulness practices like meditation and yoga can all contribute to a more resilient mindset.

Key Takeaways for Developing a Thicker Skin at Work

• It’s Not About You: Remember that not everything in the workplace is a personal reflection on you. People are often dealing with their own issues that have nothing to do with you.
• Assume Good Intent: Start with the assumption that your colleagues mean well. This can prevent many misunderstandings and help you take things less personally.
• Address Issues Constructively: If something bothers you, address it calmly and privately. Use “I” statements to express your feelings without sounding accusatory.
• Learn to Let Go: Dwelling on hurt feelings can keep you stuck. Acknowledge your feelings, then make a conscious effort to move on and focus on the bigger picture.
• Build Self-Confidence: Strengthening your self-esteem and taking care of your mental and physical health can make you more resilient and less sensitive at work.

By developing a thicker skin and learning not to take things so personally, you can navigate workplace relationships with greater ease and confidence. This doesn’t mean shutting down your emotions or becoming indifferent, but rather, it’s about finding a balance where you can stay true to yourself while also maintaining healthy, professional relationships.